Entry Two

I'm nearly falling apart, again. Here I am - feeling lost. I do not know what to do. I can't keep my mind straight and I'm losing focus. I'm afraid that if I did something, it might turn out as a failure which will eventually add up as a burden. I do feel tired, worn-out. I can't put myself together anymore. It's as if every moment there is a piece of me that's slowly slipping away. And whenever I had found the courage to look for it and bring it back to it's place, another piece of me will loosen. It's a cycle. I'm almost getting used to it but I don't wanna let myself. I am scared that  anytime I may go numb. I do not like this feeling. I wanna be back! I have lots of plans in my life and I can't afford to watch them turn into nothing. I'm struggling, fighting my way up - to get away from this depressing place. I don't wanna be worthless. I don't wanna feel worthless. I'm hoping I could find the light as soon as possible. And when I saw the light, I pray that have the enough courage and inspiration to move forward and carry on. 

Entry One

He was the most amazing man I've ever had in my life. In a span of seventeen years, he had witnessed me grow into a fine person. He gave me an unconditional love and I will always feel it in my heart. He was my best friend. He was my defender. He was my hero. He isn't perfect yet he is the most wonderful person I would ever be proud of. He once told me he was lucky for being born into this world and being able to live and enjoy life for seventy years. He had experienced almost everything life could ever offer. He bravely faced life's hurdles and challenges. He cheerfully embraced life's gifts and success. He fully accepted defeats and sorrows. He was a strong man. He told me he loved me. He was proud of me. I believe in him. I know it's true and every time I feel broken, I always hold on to his words. He was my strength and will always be my source of inspiration. He may have passed away but I know he will always be with me. He will always be watching me from above. He will always be guiding me. How I wished it was just a temporary nightmare. But the sad truth is he's gone. It's reality and all I can do is to accept the pain and all. I love my grandpa . . . so much. And it still hurts knowing that everyday I wake up, I can never see him nor hear his voice anymore. But I know he's happy now with the Lord. He had been through the worst. He fought hard every single second to live an extra time and that was enough to make me feel how he really wanted to be with us. He was the best and will always be. He's in peace now and in return, I will keep on doing great things to make him more even proud that I was his granddaughter. As for his advices, I will always bear them in mind to be a great person and to tell the world that "He is my grandpa and he raised me well!"